


More Than This

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Banter, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Christmas Party, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Rimming, Secret Relationship, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-05 11:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin is tasked with interviewing the school's star footie player after he comes out, Merlin gets a lot more than quotes. He gets a new secret boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mightypretty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightypretty/gifts).



> Hope you enjoy this, mightypretty. I saw your prompt about Merlin interviewing Arthur and this is where my brain went. I tried to include as much of your preferred tags as I could. Have a great holiday!
> 
> Warning - includes brief voyeurism, cancer talk, past character death.

Five more minutes. Merlin was only going to give Arthur Pendragon five more minutes. 

He’d already been waiting for fifteen minutes and enough was enough. If he didn’t show his face in five minutes, Merlin would just walk away. Gaius could just do the interview since it was his bloody idea in the first place.

Merlin paced outside the Camelot University locker room. Of course he could see Gaius’ point. This interview would be a big get for any newspaper, especially their small university’s publication - which Merlin was convinced most of the student body had never heard of. That would all change with this interview.

Arthur Pendragon wasn’t just the most popular student in school or the most popular and talented athlete the school had produced in some time. He was also the son of Uther Pendragon, one of the most affluent and powerful businessman in the city. 

The fact that Arthur Pendragon came out was a huge story - especially how he did it. It was brazen, and yet somehow blithely done, at the same time. After a victory against Camelot University’s long hated rivals, Mercia Academy, after sending out a congratulatory tweet to his team Arthur sent out one more tweet, and in less than 130 characters had jaws dropping around Camelot. 

**Arthur Pendragon** @APen1  
I would like to thank my teammates, and especially thank my boyfriend for all his support. I couldn't have done it without him.

It was fairly innocuous, but completely life-changing.

Ever since, Arthur had not answered any questions or made any statements about the tweet. What was even weirder was there had been no sightings of his alleged boyfriend in the two weeks since his announcement. 

There was some speculation that it was a publicity stunt - or cry for attention. Merlin was in the former camp.

Gaius Charles, the editor of the school paper and Merlin’s boss, had somehow gotten Arthur to agree to an interview. It probably had something with Gaius and Arthur’s father being old friends. Whatever the reason, Arthur had agreed. 

Merlin should have counted himself lucky that Gaius had granted him the opportunity to do this story. He had been mostly taking photos for the paper, but had desperately wanted an opportunity to do some actual writing. He just really wished it had been for any story other than this.

Now it seemed that maybe he wouldn’t have to worry anyway. The five minutes were now up and still no Arthur.

Merlin shook his head and bristled at the rudeness. Arthur had texted him to wait for him outside the Camelot locker room, which had suited Merlin just fine, since he had no desire to do a locker room interview. Merlin would think if Arthur had changed his mind he could at least do him the courtesy of not wasting his time and telling him the interview was off.

Merlin was steamed - quite literally. Steam from the locker room kept escaping from under the door and Merlin’s face felt hot and his clothes were start to feel sticky. He wasn’t sure if that was affecting him or not, but Merlin was mad enough to push through the doors and stride through the locker room to give Arthur a piece of his mind.

It was so steamy in there, Merlin could hardly see. As he turned the corner, he blinked and could see a figure seemingly coming towards him. He stopped dead in his tracks when he could finally see clearly. 

It was like a porno had come to life. The man - the very naked, wet, and large man - wasn’t coming toward him, but was headed towards the locker area that was adjacent to the showers. He hadn’t seen Merlin, even though Merlin was awkwardly rooted to his spot in the middle of the room.

This man was like something out of one Merlin’s more lurid fantasies. If you combined two of Merlin, it would still only make up two-thirds of this blonde Hulk. His muscles were bulging and Merlin bit the end of his finger as he watched the water glistening off of him.

There was the vague sound of someone clearing their throat, but Merlin was too focused on the naked man.

The second time he heard the sound it was unmistakable.

“Fuck!” Merlin thought. He had a sinking feeling who he would see when he turned around. 

Slowly, Merlin made the torturous turn around and his suspicions were confirmed. 

Arthur Pendragon stood behind him. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and he wore an unamused expression.

Merlin’s mouth fell open. His breath came out in pants and he wiped furiously at his sweaty forehead. He tried to talk, but the sound came out as a croak.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “I can explain.”

Arthur pursed his lips. “Perhaps you should start with your name? I can make an educated guess? Tom, is it?”

“Tom?” Merlin furrowed his brow. “Why would you guess Tom?” It took him another moment to figure it out. He chuckled nervously and nodded. “Peeping Tom, funny.”

“Glad I could amuse you.” Even though his expression still remained stern, his voice sounded somewhat jovial.

Merlin briefly looked behind him, which was a huge mistake since the naked man - who somehow seemed oblivious to the conversation a few feet away from him - was now bent over as he stepped into his pants.

“For fuck’s sake,” Merlin muttered and looked back at Arthur. “Like I said, I-I-I can explain. I wasn’t - I wasn’t trying to catch him naked. I came here for you.”

Arthur’s eyebrow quirked up. It reminded Merlin of Gaius. “You were waiting here for me? You were trying to catch me naked?”

Merlin’s eyes bulged. “No, absolutely not.” He slapped a hand over his eyes. He wasn’t sure how much deeper a hole he could dig himself.

When he heard soft laughter, he peaked out between two fingers. Arthur’s head was down and his head was bobbing as his laughter started to increase.

Merlin threw his head back and looked at the ceiling. “You bastard.”

“I’m sorry. I had to, though I didn’t know you’d be such an easy target. You should see the look on your face.”

When Merlin was sure he could look at Arthur without reaching over to strangle him, he faced Arthur again. “You know who I am?”

“You’re Merlin Emrys - the reporter.”

“And you’re Arthur Pendragon.”

“Guilty.” A slow smile spread over his face and he reached out his hand to Merlin. 

The way he was looking at him made him more nervous than being confronted by very naked mountain a few minutes before. He bit his lip as he shook Arthur’s hand.

When he felt Arthur’s thumb stroke slowly down the back of his palm, Merlin tugged his hand back.

Arthur advanced toward him and Merlin didn’t know what he was going to do. He knew he should probably back away, but he really didn’t want to.

Arthur put his arm around Merlin and turned him around. They started walking toward the naked man - formerly naked man since he was now dressed in black trousers and a blue pullover.

“Uh, where are we -” Merlin started.

“I thought I’d make a proper introduction. It seems only fair you should be able to put a name to the penis.”

Despite his embarrassment, Merlin snorted at that.

The other man, who was combing his wet hair, turned toward them as they approached. He lowered the comb and smiled broadly at Arthur.

“Hey, mate.”

Arthur smiled back. “Hey, Percival. I wanted to introduce you to Merlin Emrys.”

Percival leaned forward and shook his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Merlin had trouble meeting his eyes. His voice was so deep and sexy. Merlin wondered if there was any part of him that wasn’t sexy.

It finally occurred to Merlin that he had a job to do and he fumbled and pulled a notebook out of his back pocket and flicked through it. “You’re Percival Thomas? You play on the same team as Arthur?”

“Well, not quite,” Arthur said.

Merlin turned to him and noticed the mischievous look in Arthur’s eyes. Clearly, Arthur was having a lot of fun teasing him.

“I get it." He grinned. "You’re funny.”

Arthur cocked his head to the side. “You say that like it’s a surprise.”

“A bit. It’s not what I expected,” Merlin explained.

“You think I’m just some posh git.” 

Even though he didn’t sound annoyed, Merlin tried to elaborate but was cut off by Arthur.

“Which I am.”

Percival joined Merlin in laughter. “You have to be careful around this one. He’s very good at twisting your words around and always finding the joke.”

Arthur leaned against the locker and grinned. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Not exactly.” Percival shook his head. “It’s just sometimes hard to know when you’re insulting someone or when you’re just taking the piss.”

“I keep you on your toes,” Arthur responded without missing a beat. “It’s good practice for the pitch.”

Percival grunted in agreement and closed his locker door. He turned to Merlin. “You’re doing the story on Arthur, right?”

Merlin brandished and muttered nonsensically. He closed his eyes and mentally admonished himself. He had a brain. He just had to find it and try to not be distracted by all the pretty on display.

Percival ignored Merlin’s weird behavior and smiled. “I think this story is a wonderful idea. Arthur’s a great footie player, but what he’s doing now - he’s really a hero.”

Arthur hugged his arms to his chest and laughed.

Merlin noticed for the first time that his laughter sounded a bit forced. 

Arthur leaned forward and clapped Percival on the shoulder. “Ignore him. He’s just trying to butter me up for more scoring opportunities.”

“I knew you would see right through me.” Percival chuckled. He leaned down and picked up a brown jacket on the bench and put it on. “I’ll see you later, Arthur.”

“See you, Percy.”

“It was nice to meet you, Merlin.” Percival turned to him and leveled a wide smile at him.

“You, too.” Merlin was grateful that he didn’t stammer like an idiot.

When Percival had gone, Merlin thought they could finally get down to the business at hand, but when he looked at Arthur he was immediately set off balance by how Arthur was sizing him up with his eyes.

He wasn’t at all subtle as he dragged his gaze slowly up Merlin’s body. Arthur slowly moved away from the locker and stepped close enough to reach out and touch Merlin. When his gaze reached Merlin’s face, he looked Merlin square in the eye. 

Merlin held his gaze for a second, but had to look away quickly. He flipped through his notepad trying to appear as if he was searching for something, though the pages were mostly blank.

Arthur cleared his throat. “Has anyone ever told you that your cheekbones are gorgeous?”

When Merlin looked up, Arthur’s eyes were not focused on his cheekbones, unless he had confused his cheekbones with his crotch. Merlin clutched his notepad, crushing the pages in the process.

“I’m not gay,” Merlin suddenly blurted out.

For a second, Arthur looked caught off guard.

Merlin just stared with his mouth open. He had no idea why he had blurted that out. He knew he must have sounded so weird and defensive. It also didn’t help that it was a complete lie, and by the growing skeptical look on Arthur’s face, he wasn’t sure if he was buying it.

Arthur shrugged. “That’s fine. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I flirt with everyone.” He smirked at Merlin and walked off.

Merlin followed him deeper into the locker room where they stopped at, presumably, Arthur’s locker.

“You flirt with everyone. Is that because you’re attracted to both men and women?” Merlin would like to think he’s finally doing his job and getting to the interview part of the interview, but there was more than a little personal curiosity in the question.

Arthur opened his locker and gave a quick glance toward Merlin. “I’ve dated several women. A few of them I’ve found truly stunning. I can appreciate a beautiful woman, but I can’t say that I’ve ever been...aroused by one.” 

The way Arthur’s voice deepened when he said the word aroused caused a completely unprofessional reaction and he could practically hear the blood rushing straight to his cock.

Arthur slammed his locker shut and Merlin’s head snapped up and focused his attention back on Arthur. “I would never rule out potentially falling for a woman. You never know. People should be open to all sorts of possibilities.”

The intent of those words wasn’t lost on Merlin or the intense way Arthur was looking at him again.

“So...” Arthur drawled. “Do you want to head over to my place?”

Merlin took a step back. “Why would I want to do that?”

Arthur bit his lip and chuckled. “To do the interview.”

“Oh.” Merlin rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought we would sit down in a restaurant or somewhere else more...public.”

Merlin hated the smug, amused look on Arthur’s face.

“You’re not afraid to be alone with me are you, Merlin? What do you think I’m going to do to you?” His voice dripped with faux innocence.

“Nothing.” Merlin stood up straighter and stared directly at Arthur. He wasn’t about to let Arthur think he intimidated him in any way.

The smug look soon dropped from Arthur’s face and he turned serious. “I know that people will read this interview and know some things about me that I probably don’t want them to, but I’d rather do this in private, if that’s alright with you.”

It was a truly honest answer and Merlin appreciated it. Besides, the best way for Arthur to open up to him was if he was comfortable and if doing the interview at his flat accomplished that, Merlin would just have to get over any nerves he felt.

“Lead the way.” Merlin held out his hand in front of him. 

~*~

They didn’t do much talking on the way to Arthur’s. Merlin was trying his best to quell the insane attraction he felt to Arthur and was trying to go over his notes and the questions he’d prepared. 

It wasn’t complete silence in the car. Even though Merlin wasn’t much of a fan of sports, he was intrigued as Arthur basically did a play by play of the last game his football team played. It was clear how much the game meant to him and how he got a thrill with every victory.

Arthur also took the time to apologize for his earlier tardiness. He said that he had been caught up in a conversation with his father and had left later than he had planned.

When Arthur pulled up to the car park in front of his flat, Merlin’s nerves started to creep up again. Merlin got out of the car and marveled at the impressively tall building. He could tell just by looking at the outside of the high-rise building, that he probably couldn’t afford the rent on such a place if he had gotten an advance on ten paychecks.

That thought was confirmed once they’d stepped inside. His flat was twice the size of Merlin’s. For some reason, Merlin was surprised at how the place was decorated. It seemed very pristine and modern with a predominant color scheme of red, black, and white. There were sculptures scattered around the open floor plan living area. Abstract paintings hung on the walls. Merlin couldn’t put his finger on why, but it just didn’t scream Arthur to him.

“The place is immaculate, isn’t it?” Arthur said as he took off his coat. “You could eat off the floor, though if you dropped food on these floors my sister would certainly gouge your eyes out.”

“Sister?” Merlin quickly turned his head. 

“Morgana,” Arthur supplied.

“I know.” Merlin had done his research and knew about her, but he didn’t know Arthur lived with her. “You live together.”

“It was my father’s idea, really. He didn’t see the need to pay for two separate residences for us and neither of us fancied living in student housing. So, we make do. She decorates the place however she likes and I...tolerate it.” Arthur laughed. 

He took a seat on the white couch in the living area that faced two large glass doors that led to the balcony. He motioned for Merlin to come sit next to him.

Merlin wiped his palms down the front of his jean and gingerly walked over. He fished his phone out of his pocket before he sat down.

“Do you mind if I record this?”

Arthur just shrugged.

Merlin turned the recorder from his phone on. 

“You know you should be flattered,” Arthur said.

“Oh, really?” Merlin grinned at Arthur. He didn’t even know why he was grinning, but the relaxed and satisfied twist of Arthur’s lips was starting to make him feel less nervous and more curious and at ease.

“You don’t even know the number of papers that called and asked to speak with me after that tweet. I said no to every one of them. But now you get the privilege of hearing my amazing words of wisdom.” 

The flippant tone of his voice made Merlin chuckle. He was glad that Arthur was able to put his mocking skills to use even when the target was himself.

“I suppose it’s a good thing I work for one of your father’s friends then. I wouldn’t want to miss out on all you could teach me,” Merlin replied. “I guess we should get started then.”

Arthur nodded.

“I have to ask about your boyfriend.”

Arthur looked down at the floor.

“Even since the tweet heard around Camelot, no one has seen him or knows who he could possibly be.”

Arthur rubbed at his forehead. He took a deep breath. “In truth, I might have embellished a bit when I made that tweet.”

“I knew it.” Merlin hadn’t meant to sound so triumphant, but it was nice to have some kind of confirmation of his suspicions.

“What does that mean?” Arthur crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I just...there were some who questioned the validity of your announcement. Some wondered if it was just a bid for attention,” Merlin tried to tactfully explain, though he was sure Arthur must have heard some of this before.

“So, you thought I was lying? You don’t think I’m gay?”

“I didn’t say that. I just wasn’t convinced,” Merlin replied honestly.

Arthur didn’t seem offended. He smiled slowly. “Merlin, since I’ve met you I’ve spent 80% of the time staring at your crotch. Even though I’ve only seen the outline of your cock in those lovely, tight jeans - thank you for that, by the way - I could probably pick it out of a line-up, sight unseen.”

Merlin knew he must be blushing furiously. His face felt hot.

“Trust me. I am gay.”

Merlin rubbed a hand over his chest and tried to catch his breath. “So...what exactly did you embellish in your announcement?”

“Strictly speaking, I didn’t really have a boyfriend at the time. I don’t really do boyfriends. To be honest, I don’t really do commitment of any kind. There was a man I’d been casually screwing repeatedly. I had sex with him more than three times. For me, that sort of counted as a boyfriend.”

Merlin sighed. “If you didn’t really have a boyfriend, why tweet that?”

“I just…” Arthur looked up at the ceiling. “I wanted to come out and just get it over with. But I didn’t want to announce it in some generic “Hey, guess what, I’m gay” way. I also just wanted it be something simple and direct and that was the first thing that popped in my head.”

Merlin leaned back and put his arm on the back of the couch as he eyed Arthur intently. “Why was it so important for you to come out now?”

Arthur faced him again. “I was annoyed,” he said simply.

“Annoyed?” Merlin sounded confused.

“I was tired of sneaking around and not being able to live my life. I truly was not trying to get attention. I didn’t want this.” He gestured toward Merlin and the phone in his hand. “I wasn’t doing this to be some kind of inspiration. I don’t really think I am. I’m gay.” He shrugged. “I’m not the only gay man in this town. And being gay isn’t the only thing that I am.” He sounded defiant and a bit angry.

Arthur sat back and looked up at Merlin quickly. He seemed surprised by his outpouring of emotion.

He wasn’t the only one. There were a jumble of emotions he was feeling and he knew he shouldn’t be. He should be cold and detached and objective, but he really couldn’t be since this was a subject that hit so close to home. He could truly empathize with Arthur’s frustration and his worry of always being defined by his sexuality. It was one of the reasons Merlin had never taken that leap himself.

Merlin tentatively reached out and put a hand on Arthur’s knee. He waited for Arthur to meet his eyes before he spoke. “So, who are you Arthur Pendragon? Besides gay and an amazingly talented football player.”

Slowly, Arthur’s eyes brightened and a slow smile spread over his face. Suddenly, he reached over and took hold of Merlin’s hand. He got up and pulled Merlin after him.

Not that Arthur really gave him a chance to pull away, but Merlin was surprised at how much he didn’t want to let go of Arthur’s hand. He still felt nervous butterflies in his stomach being so close to him, but he also felt so at ease. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to feel Arthur’s rough, calloused palm against his.

Arthur slid open the large glass door to the balcony. They stepped outside and Arthur led him to a long, black telescope mounted in the corner. 

Merlin was disappointed when Arthur let go of his hand and stood next to it. He put his hand on the shiny black surface and stroked it. Merlin felt like such an adolescent, but he couldn’t help thinking dirty things watching him do that.

“I know people would be surprised to learn this, but I am an avid star gazer. I think my favorite place to be other than the football pitch is at the local planetarium.”

Arthur was right. It was not something Merlin would have expected, but as he’d learned today, all of his preconceived notions about Arthur turned out to be wrong. Nothing should surprise him anymore when it came to him.

Merlin looked up at the sky. It was getting late and it should have been the perfect time to spot the stars, but unfortunately the sky was overcast.

When he looked at Arthur and he was looking up at the sky, he knew he was thinking the same thing. 

Merlin still came forward and turned the telescope toward the sky and leaned down to look through the eyepiece.

“How long have you been a fan of astronomy?” Merlin asked.

“Since I was a child. My family had a tradition on my mum’s birthday that we would always have a picnic in the backyard and look at the stars together. It was her favorite thing to do,” Arthur answered.

When he paused, Merlin glanced up. Arthur had a sweet, wistful look on his face. He turned away with an embarrassed chuckle when he caught Merlin’s stare.

Arthur shuffled backwards and leaned against the railing. “She started telling me stories about the myths of the constellations when I was eight.” He snickered. “Except she would water them down for me. It wasn’t until I researched them on my own when I was older that I found out how tragic some of those myths are. Did you ever hear the one about Lyra and Orpheus?” Arthur shuddered.

Merlin laughed. He stood up and when a thought from his own childhood came to him, his smile widened. “My mother used to do the same thing - except it was with fairy tales. I was very disappointed when I read the original version of the Grimm stories.”

“You’re more of a happy endings fan?”

“Very much.” Merlin nodded slowly. 

They shared a long look. It went on for so long that Merlin was starting to have thoughts - thoughts that he really shouldn’t have. Thoughts about throwing caution to the wind and grabbing Arthur and just -

“Oh, no.”

Merlin was startled by the female voice and turned to the door.

A striking woman with long, dark hair and a bored expression on her face was staring at them. He recognized her from the pictures he’d found on the internet. She was Arthur’s sister Morgana.

“Morgana, what are you doing here?” Arthur sounded disgruntled. “I thought you had a date with Cenred tonight?”

“I did.” Morgana drummed her dark red nails against the glass. “Bastard stood me up.”

Arthur snorted.

Both Morgana and Merlin’s heads snapped in his direction.

Arthur put his hands up. “I’m sorry, but I told you he was a filthy wanker. You just wouldn’t listen.”

“Excuse me if I didn’t want to take dating advice from you of all people.” She waved her hand toward the balcony. “I can see you’re employing your lame “let’s the glorious stars” seduction technique.”

Merlin slowly looked over at Arthur who was staring daggers at Morgana.

“Will you be shagging discretely tonight or will have to find a safe haven from having to listen to your sexual acrobatics tonight?” Morgana continued.

Arthur let out a sharp grunt and stalked toward his sister and pushed her inside.

Merlin followed them. He felt like an idiot. How could he have possibly thought he and Arthur were having a special moment? 

“I’m not having sex with Merlin tonight.”

Merlin didn’t miss how Arthur stressed the word “tonight.” He bristled at Arthur’s overconfidence.

Arthur looked over his shoulder at Merlin. “Morgana’s exaggerating about the whole 'looking at the stars' seduction thing.”

“I am not!” Morgana stressed.

“Please don’t put that in the article.”

Morgana perked up at the mention of the article and finally gave Merlin more than just a passing glance. “So you’re the writer. Looks like my timing couldn’t be better.” She sidled up to Merlin. “Morgana Pendragon.” She held out her hand.

“Merlin Emrys.” They shook hands.

“I have so many stories and anecdotes to tell you about my dear brother.”

Arthur stepped in between them. “And when Merlin is interested in getting your thoughts, I’m sure he’ll be happy to call you. But given that he’s only interested in talking to sane people, I probably wouldn’t hold my breath waiting.”

Morgana took a step to the side and addressed Merlin as if Arthur wasn’t there and hadn’t just spoken. “You know Arthur slept with this hideous rubber duck until he was -”

Arthur clamped a hand over her mouth.

“Ow!” Arthur snatched his hand away and rubbed at his index finger. “You bloody vampire.”

“It serves you right.”

Merlin couldn’t help being amused at their antics. He held out his phone toward Morgana. “And the name of that duck was?”

Morgana let out a full-throated laugh and grinned at Merlin. 

Arthur shut his eyes tightly and looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole.

Even though her eyes still gleamed with amusement, Morgana turned to her brother and sighed. “Sorry, that will have to stay between my brother and me. Well, until the price is right.” She chuckled, but soon the smile was replaced with a more solemn look. “The only thing I really want to say is that I’m proud of my brother. It took a lot of courage to be honest with the world and with himself and I really admire that.”

Instead of being put at ease with his sister’s kind words, Arthur tensed up further. He smiled at Morgana, but Merlin noticed it didn’t reach his eyes.

Merlin cleared his throat. “Thank you. That was really lovely. I think I have enough for now and should be going.”

Arthur looked up quickly. “Wait, that’s it? You’re leaving.”

“It’s been a long day.” Merlin backed up towards the front door. “But don’t worry, I still need more. I’ll call you to set up a time for us to meet again.”

Arthur followed behind him and held the door open for him. “I’m sorry again about Morgana interrupting us.”

“She didn’t interrupt anything.” Merlin tried to sound nonchalant, but wasn’t sure if he was succeeding. “Nothing was happening.”

Arthur looked like he wanted to refute that, but he bit his lip and nodded. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you again.”

Merlin pursed his lips and paused at the door. Finally, he stepped outside. “Goodnight, Arthur.”

“Goodnight, Merlin.”

~*~

Merlin tossed and turned in his bed. He had been trying to go to sleep for the last half hour, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the day and about Arthur. Though, once and awhile he would think of the very naked Percival and his ridiculously sculpted body. But, for the most part, Arthur was the one keeping him up.

He snuck a hand under his covers. Oh, he was very up. 

Suddenly, the loud sound of his phone vibrating on his nightstand startled him and he let out a small yelp and yanked his hand back.

He fumbled for the phone and accidentally knocked his head against the nightstand. While rubbing his forehead he answered his phone. He didn’t know who would be calling him after midnight and didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello.”

“Hello, Merlin. It’s Arthur.”

Merlin slowly sat up in bed. “Arthur? Why-what…” Merlin stammered.

Arthur chuckled. It sounded deep and sexy. “You know for someone who uses words for a living, you’re surprisingly inarticulate a lot of the time.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Why are you calling?”

Arthur let out a long sigh. “I know that this will sound sort of desperate, but I just wanted to explain about what my sister said...about how seduce men.”

“I don’t know why you think you need to explain this to me.” Merlin ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to put in the article.”

“I don’t care about the article,” Arthur said with such passion, Merlin was caught off guard. “She’s right. There are some men - men who are a bit gullible - and I take them to the balcony and I show them the stars and I feed them a line about their eyes being brighter than the night sky.”

Merlin snorted. “That actually works?”

Arthur hummed in contemplation. “80% of the time.” He let a small laugh then exhaled. “I wasn’t playing you, Merlin. I don’t usually talk about my mother with anyone. It was different.”

He sounded so desperate to be believed and Merlin didn’t know if he was being gullible, but he trusted him. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Good.” Arthur sounded relieved. “Do you want to come to my flat tomorrow and continue the interview?”

Merlin almost immediately said yes, but then remembered that he had an important appointment with his dad. “Ugh, I can’t. I have to be somewhere with my dad. I can do it the day after.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then.”

“Arthur, you know you could have waited to call me tomorrow.” Merlin nestled under his covers and put the phone between his shoulder and head. 

“I know,” Arthur whispered. “I just wanted to hear your voice. You do know how sexy it is, don’t you?” 

His voice started to get breathier and Merlin could feel himself began to harden again. 

“I just wanted to hear your voice again and imagine you moaning my name.”

Merlin closed his eyes and let out a long, shaky breath. His arm seemed to have a mind of its own and snaked slowly down his white t-shirt, but before he could take hold of his rapidly hardening cock, he shook his head.

“I have to get to sleep. Goodnight, Arthur,” Merlin said in one breath and hung up without waiting for Arthur’s response.

He exhaled and threw his phone on his nightstand. After turning on his back, Merlin tried to will away his erection, but it was no use. He kept hearing Arthur’s breathless voice and seeing his cocky grin.

Merlin’s cock felt heavy against his stomach and when he imagined Arthur’s full, pouty lips taking him into his mouth, he stifled a moan against his pillow and fisted his cock. 

There was already pre-come on the tip and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he came. He panted against his pillow and stroked himself hard and fast. He arched into his hand and gripped the pillow tight as he felt hot come splash against his skin.

It took him awhile to come back down. He didn’t know why but he felt such shame and embarrassment. He grabbed the tissues by his bed and did a cursory clean-up before he slumped down in bed and closed his eyes. He tried to will sleep to come. It was no use and it took another half hour before he slowly drifted off.

~*~

Merlin gripped the steering and looked over at his father and couldn’t help beaming. He had hoped and prayed for a good outcome to his father’s doctor visit, but he tried not to get his hopes up. When Balinor’s oncologist, Dr. Monmouth, had finally said the word “remission” Merlin had felt his eyes well up with tears.

Unlike Merlin, Balinor looked wearier, which Merlin could understand. It had been a long ten year battle. It was almost ten years to the day when Balinor had gotten the news the day after Boxing Day that he had skin cancer. There were times Merlin truly thought he would lose the only parent he had left.

“This is a good thing, dad,” Merlin finally said.

Balinor sighed and nodded. “I know. It’s just...we’ve been here before.”

His father’s words instantly sobered Merlin. He was right. Balinor had been in remission five years before and the cancer had recurred. There was no guarantee that wouldn’t happen again. And yet, Merlin felt a lot more positive about his father’s chances then the last time.

“Do you want to have lunch somewhere to celebrate?” Merlin asked.

Balinor shook his head. “I need to get home. I have more papers to grade before vacation starts next week.”

His father was a secondary school teacher.

“Alright,” Merlin replied.

“I need you to do me a favor though. Can you take my car to the mechanic? I’m going up to visit your Aunt Alice and cousin Mordred and I want to make sure the car isn’t making that noise anymore.”

Merlin went over his schedule in his head. “Alright, I can drop it off before I have to go over to Arthur Pendragon’s flat.”

“Pendragon?” Balinor looked over at Merlin. “Why would you be going to see him?”

“I told you about the interview, dad. I still have more questions to ask.”

Balinor shook his head. “That still doesn’t sit right to me. Why must you celebrate him for being...that way?”

Merlin cringed. He’d already had this argument with him the first time he mentioned the article.

“It’s big news, dad.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Balinor roll his eyes heavenward. “There are more important things happening in the world.”

“This wasn't my decision,” Merlin gritted out. “Gaius assigned it and I have to do my job.”

“I never thought I would sympathize with a stuffy git like Uther Pendragon, but I can’t imagine how horribly awkward this all is.” Balinor looked out the window. 

Merlin just grunted in response. They were almost home, but this car ride couldn't end fast enough.

He knew Balinor’s views on homosexuality. It was the biggest reason he’d never told the truth to anyone - not even his closest friends. 

The thought of hurting his father or having to face that angry, disappointed glare was too much for him to bear.

~*~

After his awkward conversation with his father the previous day, Merlin had dropped him home and made up an excuse to leave. He spent the rest of the day at his friends Gwaine and Elena’s flat.

Right now, he was standing at Arthur’s doorstep. He felt silly but he had to prepare himself before he knocked. No matter how Arthur looked or what he said, he was determined not to get flustered. He would be professional and conduct the interview. Nothing more, nothing less.

Finally ready, he knocked on the door. Arthur answered quickly after the second knock. Merlin’s resolve was instantly tested.

Merlin didn’t know how it was possible. Arthur was casually dressed and didn’t look out of the ordinary and yet somehow he looked more gorgeous than anyone Merlin had ever seen.

Arthur’s blindingly blonde hair looks artfully tousled. He was wearing a black button down shirt, with the first three buttons undone. He could just see a peak of his toned and tanned pecs.

His tan trousers looked perfectly molded to him. Merlin didn’t even know if he would be able to handle the view of Arthur’s arse.

Still, Merlin knew he had a job to do and arched his shoulders back and looked straight ahead. “Hello, Arthur.”

Arthur grinned. “Hello, Merlin.” 

He stepped aside and let Merlin in. Merlin made sure not to look behind to check out Arthur’s arse. He marched over to the tan couch and sat down. He took out his phone and started recording before Arthur even sat down.

When Arthur sat down close enough for their knees to be touching, Merlin scooched back as far away as he could get. His back hit the end of the couch and he turned and looked behind him, almost trying to will there to be more couch since he was still too close to Arthur.

Unless he was prepared to ask Arthur to move - and he refused to let Arthur know how much being close to him affected him - there was nothing left to do but start.

“May I ask when you realized you were gay?” 

Arthur leaned back and looked to be considering this. “I realized when I was twelve. Morgana says she knew even earlier than that. One of the many reasons why I’m sure that she’s witch.”

Merlin laughed.

“I wasn’t ready to fully admit it and accept it until I was fifteen,” Arthur explained.

“What made you realize that you were gay?”

Arthur’s eyes lit up and he smiled fondly. “When I was twelve my best friend’s name was Lance. We’re actually still friends now, though we don’t see each other often. One day, Lance came over to my house for a swim. After we were finished we were getting undressed. As I was drying my hair, I couldn’t stop watching the way the water was gliding down Lance’s back. I was transfixed. A little like you with Percival the other day.”

Instead of getting flustered, Merlin just laughed off the memory.

“The next thing I knew, I had an erection and I had to hurriedly lock myself in the bathroom.” Arthur nodded. “After that every time I was around him, I had that reaction at some point. No matter what we were doing. We could just innocently be playing videogames and he would grin at me and it set me off.”

“Did you ever tell him?”

“He was the first person I ever told that I was gay. He was wonderful about it. He’s the sweetest and most honorable man I know and also one of the most beautiful. In fact, until a couple of days ago I would have said he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life.” He cocked his head to the side and stared at Merlin intently. “But now there’s you.”

Merlin gasped.

Inching closer toward him, Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s thigh. 

Merlin sat motionless and was trouble forming a coherent thought.

Arthur took advantage and when he got closer, he used the hand that wasn’t on Merlin’s thigh to touch his face gently. He leaned over and was inches from touching Merlin’s lips with his, when Merlin put a hand on his chest.

“Arthur, I’m…”

“You’re not gay,” Arthur finished. He only moved back a fraction of an inch to search Merlin’s eyes. “You may not be gay, but you’re not straight either. You’re curious. It’s okay to explore that, Merlin.”

Merlin blinked at him.

Arthur finally moved back enough to let Merlin catch his breath. “I’m not going to force you to do anything, Merlin. If you don’t want me,” he gestured between them, “if you don’t want this to happen, it doesn’t have to.” 

He licked his lips and, god, Merlin had never felt so wanted in his entire life. Arthur looked like he wanted to devour him.

When Arthur started to pull back, Merlin turned his brain off and grabbed the back of Arthur’s head and pulled him down for a kiss that was anything but gentle and quickly turned heated.

Arthur crawled into Merlin’s lap and put both his hands on the arm of the couch and boxed Merlin in. He dragged Merlin’s bottom lip with his teeth and when Merlin opened his mouth, Arthur plunged his tongue inside.

Merlin heard his phone clatter to the ground, but was soon too distracted by Arthur moving above him to care.

Arthur pulled away slowly and trailed kisses from Merlin’s cheek to the soft spot right behind Merlin’s left ear. “You know I’ve always wondered if I could make someone come without touching them,” he replied huskily. “Just by using my words and telling them what I wanted to do to them...or what I wanted them to do to me.”

“You have an excellent mouth,” Merlin babbled.

“I know,” Arthur boasted with a lack of humility that might have turned Merlin off if he weren’t so overcome by lust. 

When Arthur sucked his earlobe into his mouth and sucked, Merlin gripped the couch cushion and whimpered.

“I can suck your cock so deep and so hard.” Arthur panted. 

Merlin writhed against him. Arthur’s words were such a turn on, but it felt like his whole body was on fire and he was beginning to shake and he just wanted Arthur to touch him.

Arthur began to slowly mouth his way down Merlin’s body and got down on his knees. He bowed down near his crotch and Merlin held his breath, but Arthur bypassed the area that most needed his attention and took Merlin’s left index finger into his mouth. 

Merlin’s breath came out in a stuttering gasp as Arthur bobbed his head and sucked as if his life depended on it. Merlin could feel his toes curling.

Finally, Arthur stopped and without wasting a moment he sunk his head down between Merlin’s thighs and breathed in his scent. He let out a loud and long moan. 

“I want to taste you, Merlin.” He took both of Merlin’s hands and put them behind his head.

Merlin gripped Arthur’s silky, perfect hair and massaged the back of his head.

“Just shove your throbbing cock all the way down my throat and make me gag,” Arthur was breathless and clutched at Merlin’s clothed thighs. “Merlin, I want you to make my eyes water. Does my warm mouth feel good? Am I going to make you come?”

“Yes! Fuck, fuck, _fuck_! Arthur!” Merlin arched forward and shoved Arthur’s face hard against his crotch. 

When Arthur mouthed the outline of his cock, Merlin lost it and let out a guttural groan. He could feel come spurting out, trapped between stomach and his jeans.

Arthur shot up and hastily unbuttoned his trousers. He stroked himself twice and cried out as his orgasm hit him.

To both of their surprise, Merlin surged forward and took Arthur’s leaking cock in his mouth and milked him dry. Arthur fell forward and clutched the back of the couch as Merlin continued to play with his overly sensitive tip.

Merlin finally let Arthur’s softening cock fall from his mouth. Arthur looked down at Merlin and smiled lazily. He collapsed next to Merlin and let his head fall onto Merlin’s shoulder.

As his orgasmic faze started to lift, Merlin instantly started to question his decision. It wasn’t as if Merlin had been a virgin, but the last time he had hooked up with anyone was a couple of years back. It was a cliched fumble in the back of a club.

With no question the sex was fantastic, but what was the point? They couldn’t have a relationship.

Arthur reached out and gently stroked Merlin’s face. “It looks like you’re thinking bad thoughts. I’m not sure whether to be insulted or not.”

Merlin found the strength to turn his head toward Arthur. “The sex was mind-blowing Arthur.” He smiled. “You should be proud. You did it with minimal touching.”

Arthur smiled briefly.

“I suppose it was fine for a one-time thing, but…”

Arthur moved into a sitting position and looked down at Merlin. “I don’t want it to be a one-time thing.”

Merlin stared down at his lap.

Arthur put his fingers under Merlin’s chin and forced Merlin to look up. “I know we just met, but I like you, Merlin.”

“I like you, too. It’s just...we’re not in the same place. You’re out and I’m…” He put a hand over his eyes and finally willed the words to come, even though he felt like he was choking on them. “I’m gay.” 

His head fell forward and he held on to his knees and took a few deep breaths. It was the first time he’d said it out loud to anyone.

“Damn, I converted another one.” Arthur tried to make it sound light-hearted, but his voice shook.

Even though he was feeling anything but light-hearted, he appreciated the effort from Arthur to make him smile.

Arthur shook his head and held Merlin’s hand. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I can’t stop myself.”

“It’s alright, Arthur.” Merlin exhaled and looked over at him. “I’m not ready to be out, Arthur. I already know that you don’t want to be in the closet or have to sneak around. You want to live your life openly.”

“I do.” He nodded and squeezed Merlin’s hand. “But I also just had the best sex of my life. I don’t want to stop. We can be casual. I can do that. Secret relationships are very hot.” 

“Arthur…”

Arthur nuzzled against his neck. “Please.” He stared up at Merlin. “Please continue to have sex with me.”

Merlin let out a burst of laughter. He touched Arthur’s face and gave him a tender kiss. “Fine,” he said in mock exasperation. “If I must.”

“You must.” Arthur pecked him on the lips. His smile was dazzling as he pulled back and looked at Merlin from head to toe. He clapped Merlin on the knee. “So, do you need some new trousers? I could wash these for you.”

“Offering to wash my clothes. How domestic of you already,” Merlin teased.

Arthur chuckled.

Merlin stood up. The dried come on his stomach did feel uncomfortable, but he knew he should probably get going. “Thank you, but I think I can wash them at home before my father gets home.”

“You live with your father?” Arthur’s eyes widened.

“Yeah,” Merlin said haltingly.

Arthur stood up and slowly stepped closer. “Is that why you don’t anyone to know you’re gay?”

Merlin bit his lip and looked away. “For the most part.”

“Hey,” Arthur said and continued when Merlin peered at him nervously. “I won’t tell anyone your secret and I would never push you to come out before you’re ready.”

“Thank you.” Merlin stroked his hand down Arthur’s arm.

“So, I suppose I’ll call you to see when we can meet again.”

Merlin nodded. “I also need to actually do my job at some point and complete this interview before Gaius’ eyebrows rise into the stratosphere.”

Arthur threw his head back and laughed. “He can do it, you know.”

Merlin snickered. He felt a little awkward as his laughter trailed off. He looked towards the front door and Arthur followed his gaze.

They soon began to walk towards the door. Merlin stopped and looked back at Arthur. “It was really wonderful.”

Arthur pressed his chest against Merlin’s. “And wait until I get to use my hands.”

Merlin grinned.

Arthur kissed him softly. He moaned when Merlin deepened the kiss. 

Reluctantly, Merlin pulled away before he changed his mind and never wanted to leave. He gave an awkward wave and backed out of the door. As soon as Arthur closed the door, Merlin fell against it and closed his eyes. 

This could end up being a disaster, but after taking a deep breath, Merlin couldn’t help letting out a giddy laugh as he walked away.

~*~

Merlin didn’t hear from Arthur for another couple of days. When he finally phoned him again it was to invite him to a holiday party that Morgana was throwing at their flat. 

Even though Merlin was nervous about the thought of attending the party as Arthur’s guest, Arthur assured him that everyone at the party would be Morgana’s friend and would only know that Merlin was doing an interview with Arthur.

So, Merlin agreed to go because, as much as he felt pathetic - and he would never tell Arthur this - he missed Arthur already.

Merlin dressed in a simple black button down shirt, black jacket, and black trousers since Arthur told him Morgana would make him go back home if he didn’t show up looking at least somewhat dressed up.

As soon as he got to Arthur and Morgana’s floor he could hear the classical music echoing. When he knocked on the door, he was surprised that he didn’t have to wait long. He was even more surprised that Morgana answered the door herself. 

She looked beautiful in a strapless red satin gown, with her black hair cascading in soft waves down her shoulder.

Morgana gave him a quick once over and stepped aside. “You look presentable. You may come in.”

Arthur wasn’t kidding about her strict dress code policy.

When Merlin stepped into the living area, he spotted Arthur talking to a brunette with shoulder length hair. For some reason, he wondered if it was Lance. He was distracted from that thought when Arthur turned to him with another mega-watt grin.

Merlin wondered when Arthur’s smile would stop taking his breath away. 

Arthur was wearing a simple tux and his hair was slicked back. Merlin kind of missed the fringe that would flop in his face.

Arthur excused himself and headed to meet Merlin. He stopped in front of him and just stared. “You look wonderful.”

“So do you.”

They smiled at each other.

The man that Arthur had been talking to walked over to them. He clapped Arthur on the shoulder. “Who is this, Arthur? Your boyfriend?”

Merlin’s eyes bulged and he sputtered in protest.

Arthur let out a dry chuckle and leveled a hard glare at the man. “No, as Morgana told you, Cenred, this is Merlin. He’s doing an interview on me.”

“Ah, the gay thing.” Cenred said and his nose turned up a little.

“Cenred...why do I know that name?” Merlin asked.

“Oh, because this is the stupid wanker that stood Morgana up the other night.”

Cenred sneered.

“And Morgana invited him?” Merlin already didn’t like this guy and could tell that stupid wanker didn’t even scratch the surface of words that could be used to describe him.

“I just wanted to let him see what he passed up,” Morgana said as she joined them. She gave Cenred an icy grin.

“Charming as ever Morgana,” Cenred gave his own phony grin and sauntered off.

Merlin was startled when Morgana looped her arm through his and led him away. “Let me introduce you to two of Arthur’s oldest friends.” 

They stopped in front of a gorgeous looking African-American woman with short curly hair and a stunningly handsome man with short, wavy brunette hair. 

“I think I can make my own introductions, Morgana,” Arthur interjected. “The article is about me after all.”

Morgana just rolled her eyes, but let Arthur go ahead. 

“This is Lance and his wife Gwen,” Arthur announced. 

“You’re Lance,” Merlin said as he stared at him a little too long.

Lance smiled.

Gwen looked between Arthur and Merlin. “I take it he never mentioned me. I’m a bit insulted.”

“I never had a crush on you, Gwen,” Arthur said without missing a beat.

“That’s because you have horrible taste,” Lance said with a beautiful, wide smile. 

Merlin was almost distracted by the easy banter between them, but soon remembered to put his reporter hat on. He took out his phone. “How long have you known, Arthur?”

“I’ve known him for over ten years. We both met Gwen in Sixth form,” Lance answered.

“Did you know about Arthur’s crush?” Merlin asked him, before he turned toward Arthur. “Is it alright if I ask that?”

“It’s fine.” Arthur nodded.

“I think I always knew. When I was younger, I fancied him, too. I wanted him to be my first kiss, but time passed and I got over my crush. I met Gwen and she was it for me.”

Gwen gave him a warm, loving smile.

“I missed my chance.” Arthur said in a resigned voice. He looked wistful, but when he faced Gwen and Lance he truly looked at peace and happy for the two of them.

They sat around and Lance told a few more anecdotes about Arthur, especially his habit - which Arthur denied - of cheating at chess. It was clear they all knew each other well and were comfortable together. All of them made Merlin feel welcome and not like he was some nosy journalist.

“I’m really chuffed that you’re doing this article, Merlin,” Gwen said as she, Merlin, and Arthur were getting a drink at the bar. “Arthur likes to pretend that he has this massive ego -”

“Pretend?” Arthur interrupted good-naturedly. 

Gwen swatted him on the arm. “But he’s really not one to brag about something like this. I know that he’s going to inspire so many people.”

Arthur looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not that important, Guinevere.”

“It is,” Gwen insisted. 

Merlin knew she meant well, but he could see a twitching in Arthur’s clenched jaw.

“You’re so popular, Arthur. So many young people look up to you. So many of them are scared to come out and you might change that.”

Arthur closed his eyes. “I’m just one man, Gwen. That’s just...it’s…” He sighed.

Merlin put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “You know, I really think I drank too much. Can you show me where the loo is?”

Arthur blew out a slow breath and nodded.

Gwen looked apologetic and opened her mouth to speak, but touched her shoulder gently and smiled.

He put his hand behind Merlin’s back and led him down the narrow hallway next to the kitchen.

Arthur directed Merlin into a large room. A massive king-sized bed took up most of the space in the room. It was covered in a red and blue paisley cover.

Other than the bed spread, there wasn’t a lot of reds or whites in the room. Merlin assumed that meant it was Arthur’s room.

“The bathroom’s through there.” Arthur pointed to a door to the left side of the room. 

“I don’t really have to use the bathroom. I just thought you needed to get out of there.”

Arthur’s mood instantly brightened and he grinned at Merlin.

Without warning, Arthur suddenly backed Merlin against the wall and dropped to his knees.

“Arthur, what the fuck are you doing?” Merlin did a double take and looked from the door to Arthur and back again.

Arthur slowly unbuckled Merlin’s belt. “You know whenever Lance tells that story about his crush on me, it reminds me about not wasting time.”

Merlin gulped. “But there are loads of people out there.”

Arthur unzipped Merlin’s trousers with a lascivious grin. “You’re just going to have to keep control of that mouth of yours then.”

Merlin tried to protest again.

Arthur picked up Merlin’s hand and softly kissed his wrist as he looked up into Merlin’s eyes. The contrast of the sweet gesture with the wicked gleam in Arthur’s eye made Merlin’s head spin.

“Don’t you want my mouth on you?” He then suckled the tip of Merlin’s finger. “I told you I want to choke on your cock and I meant it.”

All thoughts of argument flew out of Merlin’s head after that.

Arthur took Merlin’s silence as permission and laid an open-mouth kiss on the tip of Merlin’s penis.

Merlin clutched at the wall and tried to control his breathing. He could feel his cock fattening up and he couldn't remember ever before getting hard that fast.

Arthur put his hand around the base and swirled his tongue over the tip while he stroked him and then took him into his mouth.

“Fucking fucking fucking fuck!” Merlin gasped.

Arthur pulled off with an obscene pop. “You’ve got a really dirty mouth, Merlin.”

“And so do you.”

Arthur’s lips were wet and licked them slowly.

It drove Merlin wild and he felt bold.

He gripped the back of Arthur’s head and pushed him forward. “You said you wanted to take it hard and deep, so do it.”

Arthur for once looked caught off guard and let out a strangled groan.

He quickly went back to it and wasted no time and taking Merlin although the way until Merlin could feel his penis reach the back of Arthur's throat.

When Merlin looked down, he could see Arthur’s eyes beginning to water, but Arthur wouldn't let up. 

Finally, Merlin could see Arthur start to choke and he slid his mouth down, coating Merlin’s cock with excess saliva.

Arthur wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He barely gave himself any time to recover as he dived back and sucked him down.

“Oh, fuck Arthur what did you take a class for this?” Merlin groaned.

Arthur snuffled and pulled back. He wiped at his eyes, but this time it was because he was laughing so hard.

“I’m good at the things I love to do, Merlin. You’d know that if you'd ever seen me play.” He winked at him.

He looked so sexy, Merlin hurriedly reached down and pulled Arthur back up and snogged him senseless. He could taste himself on Arthur’s tongue and never what a turn on that could be.

Arthur’s kisses were making him dizzy, so Merlin pushed him back to his knees. 

While he went back to work sucking Merlin down with abandon, Arthur started to knead Merlin’s balls which were starting to tighten.

To stifle a loud moan Merlin actually bit down on his fist. When he looked down and saw Arthur stroking his own red and straining cock, Merlin lost it. He tried to push against Arthur’s shoulders in warning, but Arthur didn’t budge.

Merlin’s knees felt weak and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a more powerful orgasm, which was made even more intense by Arthur still suckling him and swallowing down.

After Merlin’s cock began to soften, Arthur pulled off. Merlin’s eyes rolled back in his head when he saw some come dribbling down the side of Arthur’s mouth.

Arthur stood up on shaky legs and Merlin licked the side of his mouth. Arthur whimpered and shuddered. 

Merlin looked down and saw some of Arthur’s come splash against his black shoes.

Arthur panted against Merlin’s shoulder. He laughed when he saw the mess he’d made of Merlin’s shoes.

He trudged over to his bathroom and came over with some wet wipes. He cleaned both of them up and tucked Merlin back inside his trousers and then bent down to take care of his shoes.

After the clean-up was done, Arthur gazed up at Merlin and they both chuckled softly. Merlin didn’t know what was so funny, but he just felt so giddy.

“It’s thrilling being bad isn’t? I didn’t even lock the door,” Arthur teased.

“For once tonight, I am really grateful for that horridly loud music.”

Arthur snickered.

Merlin stared down at his shoes and got nervous suddenly. “I know this is going to seem like an odd time to mention this, but my father’s out of town this weekend and I wondered if you would like to come to my house. I could cook for you and finally finish all of my silly interview questions.”

Arthur took his hand. “Merlin, you don’t have to sell me on the idea - though the thought of you in the kitchen does fill me with an odd sort of excitement. But, really, I’d just be happy spending time with you. Perhaps I can ask some questions of my own.”

“That sounds lovely.” Merlin smiled broadly, so much so that his cheeks started to hurt, but he didn’t care.

“We should probably head back inside before people start asking questions. It’s not normally a two man job to go to the loo.”

Merlin snorted. “You’re right.” He headed towards the door and yelped in surprise when Arthur patted his bottom. 

When he looked back at Arthur, he just shrugged. “I couldn’t help it.”

Merlin just shook his head fondly and walked out the door.

~*~

Arthur would be arriving at the house at six that night. Merlin had been so nervous that he had gotten up at 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep.

He had texted Arthur the previous day and asked him what his favorite foods were. Arthur had said Spaghetti Bolognese and steak, so Merlin decided to make both.

But since he had some time to kill, he decided to quickly drop by Gwaine and Elena’s house. Elena opened the door covered in flour and ushered Merlin inside quickly.

Gwaine was sitting in the family area with their little girl in his lap. All Merlin could see was her mess of curly blonde hair as she had her back turned as she lay in her daddy’s lap. Gwaine was watching the telly. 

When Gwaine spotted Merlin he smiled. He picked up his sleeping daughter and cradled the back of her head and put her in her playpen.

Gwaine clapped Merlin on the back and led him into the kitchen. 

“What are you doing?” Merlin whispered to a harried Elena.

“I’m practicing.” Elena said as she hovered near the oven. “The mums at Genie’s nursery school need to bring something to the holiday party and my cooking is rubbish, so I’m practicing baking strawberry shortcake and I am going to get it right if I have to burn the whole house to do it.”

“I think the oven fumes have gotten to her head,” Gwaine joked.

Elena reached over and swatted him on the head.

“Maybe if I get it right, I can bring extra to your dad’s Christmas party,” Elena said to Merlin.

“That would be nice.” Merlin kicked Gwaine’s foot. “Why aren’t you helping?”

“I’m on Mr. Mom duty today.”

Merlin smiled as he watched Elena bustle around the kitchen and Gwaine watch her fondly. This was what he wanted. If he could just get out of his own way, he could possibly have it.

Gwaine sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for Merlin. “How’s the interview going with that Pendragon bloke? Is he as gorgeous up close as he is in that football uniform?” Gwaine leered.

Elena ignored his comment. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know that Gwaine was bisexual. They’d met at a pub crawl sponsored by the Camelot University LGBTQ society. They’d immediately bonded and divulged every detail of their sexual history to each other.

Sex was not something they were shy about discussing, sometimes to Merlin’s eternal embarrassment. He could never forget the time they went in graphic detail about the threesome they’d once had.

“Yeah, he’s attractive,” Merlin tried to answer tactfully.

Gwaine rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so delicate, Merlin. Is he hung or what?”

“Leave him alone, Gwaine. He doesn’t mentally undress every person he meets like we do,” Elena said as she peered through the oven door at her creation.

So far, it smelled better than anything else she’d ever made.

Elena walked over to where they were seated. “I was thinking about your dad’s Christmas party,” she started. “I was wondering if I could bring over my friend Mithian?”

Merlin crossed his arms over his chest. “You know how my dad is. He likes this to be strictly friends and family.”

Elena twisted her hands. “Well, Mithian is my friend, so that technically counts, doesn’t it?”

Merlin shook his head. 

Gwaine got up and walked to the fridge. “What my devious wife wants to know is if she can bring this bird over so she can trick you two into dating or shagging, or both.”

“Elena!” Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“What?” She threw up her hands. “You never date and you’re too lovely not to date. Mithian is such a sweet girl. She’s pretty. I think she looks a lot like you. She could be your sister.”

Gwaine sat back down and snickered. “That’s exactly what every bloke wants - to date someone who could be his sister.”

“Fuck off,” Elena said glaring at her husband, “my love.” She finished sweetly.

Merlin got up and paced. He didn’t know if Arthur’s boldness was rubbing off on him, but he wanted to put a stop to Elena’s constant attempts to set him up, and he just wanted to be truthful with his best friends for once.

“I actually am seeing someone.”

Elena gasped. “Who is it? When can I meet her? Is she lovely? Is she pretty? Is she nice to you? Why didn’t you tell us before?” Elena spit out her questions in such rapid fire succession Merlin couldn’t keep track of them.

Merlin looked between Gwaine and Elena. “What would you say if I told you…?” He winced. “If I said it wasn’t a girl?”

Gwaine sighed and took a sip of his ale. “I would say that I owe Will 10 pounds.”

“What?”

“I knew that you were at least somewhat curious about men, but I never thought you would actually admit it, not until you were way into your thirties. Will always assumed it would be any day now,” Gwaine explained.

Merlin just shook his head and turned to Elena. “What about you?”

“I always wondered, but I didn’t know.” Elena shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter if you’re dating a man as long as you’re happy.”

Even though Merlin had known they would never judge him, he couldn’t help feeling relieved at their reactions. He knew it was a far cry from being open with someone like his father, but it mattered.

“So…who is this mystery fellow?” Elena prodded.

Merlin smiled. “It’s Arthur Pendragon.”

Both Elena and Gwaine’s mouths dropped. They turned to each other and back at Merlin. “So is he hung or not?” They asked in unison.

Merlin just laughed as he shook his head. “I’m going to leave you perverts in peace. Happy baking.”

Before he could go, the oven timer dinged. Elena sprang up. “Wait. This is batch number three and I want you to try it.”

Merlin nodded slowly. The last time he ate her cooking, he got food poisoning. 

Elena pulled the cake from the over and waited a minute for it to cool, before she cut into it.

Merlin took the fork from her and tried it. He chewed slowly and swallowed. It wasn’t completely horrible. Certainly not “send you to the hospital” quality, but it was still a bit...rubbery. “Perhaps batch number four will be the one.”

Elena groaned.

Merlin kissed her on the cheek and waved good-bye to Gwaine.

~*~

Despite how nervous he had been all day, he was really calm when Arthur had arrived. Though he supposed the two glasses of wine he had gulped down had helped. 

He gave Arthur a little tour. It was certainly not as grand or spacious as Morgana and Arthur’s flat, but Arthur said it was lovely. 

When they got to the kitchen and Merlin told him about the two meals he had prepared, Arthur laughed. Given that he was an athlete he had no problem wolfing down a serving of the Spaghetti Bolognese and the 4 oz. steak. 

Merlin had stuck to eating just the spaghetti.

After they were done they moved to the living room and Merlin got down to finishing up the questions he needed for the article.

“You haven’t talked a lot about your father? How has he reacted to this?”

Arthur exhaled slowly. “It’s been better than I anticipated. I mean, I think my father mostly sees this as an opportunity for some good PR and wants people to know how progressive and open he is to the idea of having a gay son. But he has been supportive in his own way. He’s never really been a hands on father and that hasn’t changed.”

Merlin picked at a spot on the worn couch. “Still, you weren’t nervous to tell him?”

“Of course I was. The thing was I chickened out and I didn’t even tell him face to face until after I sent the tweet. It was awkward and seemed to go on for days, but…” He looked at Merlin pointedly. “I felt a lot better after.”

Merlin understood what he was trying to say, but he pushed it out of his mind to ask his last question. “I know that you don’t think you’re an inspiration and you don’t want to be a role model, but what do you want to get out of this article?”

Arthur leaned forward and rested his arms against his thighs. He stared at the wall and seemed lost in thought. Finally, he turned to Merlin. “I just...I do know how hard coming to terms with this is, and Gwen was right, if I can help someone know that you can be open and live your life on your own terms and it can be okay then I suppose I should be grateful for that.”

He got up and walked over to the fireplace. 

Merlin could only stare at his phone as he slowly turned the recorder off. Arthur was so much more than he thought he would be when they first met. Not for the first time, Merlin felt truly lucky that Gaius had granted him this opportunity and he got to know Arthur like this. If they had met some other way, it might have turned out differently.

He stood up and went over to Arthur and put his arms around him. Arthur smiled as he looked over his shoulder at him.

Merlin rested his chin on Arthur’s shoulder and discretely inhaled. He always wanted to ask Arthur what shampoo he used because his hair always smelled like honey.

“I know you probably don’t believe this considering that I haven’t told my father the truth, but you inspire me, Arthur.”

Arthur rested his hands against Merlin’s, which were clasped over Arthur’s stomach.

Merlin watched Arthur’s face as he smiled and stared at the pictures on the mantle of Merlin’s family. He especially seemed to be enamored of a picture of a young Merlin, he was six, smiling at the camera with a huge gap in his two front teeth.

He picked up one of Merlin’s mother, Hunith. She was in the backyard of their old house. It had been taken a few weeks before she had her first round of chemotherapy and she had just wanted to spend a simple Sunday with her family being as normal as possible.

Arthur glanced at Merlin. “Your mother?”

Merlin nodded. 

“She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Merlin sniffed. “Even when she was sick she used to try and smile so much to make it okay for my dad and me. Even when she was completely bald and had tubes coming out of her nose, she was always the most beautiful person on the room.”

Arthur turned in Merlin’s arms and stroked his face tenderly. “I’m so sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin closed his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if there is a God at all and I know my father would hate to hear me say that. First, my mum dies of cancer and then my father gets it.”

Arthur put a hand to his mouth.

Merlin opened his eyes and felt an odd protectiveness come over him as he saw how saddened Arthur was. He put his arms around Arthur and squeezed. “My father’s in remission now. He was in remission before the cancer recurred, but I feel better about his odds now.”

Arthur pursed. “Still, you don’t want to upset him with any major news.”

Obviously, Merlin knew what he was hinting at. “Yeah. My father is so old-fashioned. He believes in one man and one woman and there’s no changing his mind. Sometimes I think I’ll tell him and I just think that it would kill him and that would kill me.”

Arthur embraced Merlin tightly. “You can’t think like that, Merlin.”

“I know,” Merlin said and it came out muffled. “But I can’t help it.”

They didn’t speak after that. Arthur just held him and it was enough. They soon retired to Merlin’s bedroom. Arthur kissed Merlin softly and laid him back down on the bed. He molded himself to Merlin’s back and put his arm around Merlin’s stomach and just held him.

Merlin fell asleep. He woke up after he wasn’t sure how long. He could hear Arthur’s even breathing and didn’t want to move in case he was asleep.

“I’m awake,” Arthur announced. 

Merlin swiveled around. “Can’t sleep?”

“I just keep thinking about the article. Things have already changed and I wonder how much more it will after it comes out.”

Merlin propped himself up on one elbow. “I promise to let you see anything before it goes to print. If you’re not happy with it, I won’t turn it in. I don’t care how mad Gaius gets.”

Arthur grinned and ran his fingers soothingly over Merlin’s face. “I wouldn’t do that to you?”

“To me?” Merlin furrowed his brow.

“Merlin, this isn’t just about me. This is important for you, too. This could be such a big break for you and I’m not going to deny you that just because I’m nervous. I can deal with it.”

Merlin just stared at Arthur and wondered where the hell he came from. He took his face in his hand and kissed him fiercely.

Arthur held him and stroked his arms up and down Merlin’s back.

When Merlin pulled away to stare into Arthur’s eyes, he could see the same affection he felt mirrored in Arthur’s blue eyes. Merlin took a deep breath. “I want to be with you, Arthur.”

“I want to be with you, too.”

Merlin nipped at Arthur bottom lip before kissing him passionately. He rolled on top of Arthur and ground their cocks together.

Arthur groaned into his mouth. He slowly broke the kiss and his eyes roamed over Merlin’s face. “I want you to fuck me, Merlin.”

Merlin put his head on Arthur’s shoulder and tried to get control. Just hearing Arthur say that made his trouser tighten painfully.

He knelt over Arthur and lets his hands travel over Arthur’s body before his hands stopped at Arthur’s belt. His hands trembled as he took it off and then he slowly dragged the zipper down. His eyes stayed fixed on Arthur the whole time. 

Arthur lifted up his hips as Merlin took his trousers off. His pants came with them. Sitting up, Arthur ripped his shirt over his head and then went to work undressing Merlin.

Once there was nothing between them, Merlin gripped Arthur’s thigh and let his red and throbbing cock slide over Arthur’s. When Arthur threw his head back, Merlin watched his throat swallowing and he leaned forward and left a trail of hot kisses over his neck.

His mouth worked over every inch of Arthur’s body as he writhed and groaned. He paid extra attention to Arthur’s nipples and watched them harden under his tongue.

He stopped to place a gentle kiss to Arthur’s wrist and then continued to make his way down Arthur’s body. Once he reached Arthur’s arse, he lifted his legs and pressed them against his stomach. He let one finger stroke Arthur’s puckered hole and Arthur let out a long, satisfied sigh which trailed off into a strangled moan as Merlin worked his finger inside.

Merlin is consumed with watching Arthur’s hole take more and more of his finger. The sounds Arthur was making was too delicious. Merlin wanted to make Arthur beg for him and give him an experience he would never forget.

He leaned forward and gave a small lick to Arthur’s hole as his finger continued to stretch him open.

Arthur keened and clutched Merlin’s hair. Merlin knew Arthur wanted more and he would be damned if he didn’t deliver. He started sucking greedily at Arthur’s tight, pink hole and even added another finger.

Arthur’s moans steadily grew louder.

But Merlin wanted to be inside him when he came, so he reluctantly stopped and sat back on his heels. His face was covered in spit and Arthur looked up at him in a daze. He reached for Merlin and Merlin let Arthur taste himself in a filthy kiss.

Merlin fumbled a hand out toward his nightstand and broke the kiss to retrieve the lube. He reached for a condom, but Arthur shook his head. “I’m clean and I just want to feel you.”

They had just met, but Merlin completely trusted him and threw the condom back. He quickly coated his cock with lube and lined up at Arthur’s entrance. He pushed in as slowly as possible. Before he was buried to the hilt, he had to pause and squeeze the base of his cock because he was so close to coming already.

Once he was buried as deep as he could go he set a slow pace. 

Arthur groaned and pulled Merlin down for a kiss. He sucked Merlin’s tongue into his mouth.

When Merlin gave a sharp, deep thrust Arthur gasped against his mouth. “Again.”

Merlin snapped his hips. Arthur clutched at his sweaty back

Merlin began to lose control and pounded into Arthur harder and harder.

“Yes, just like that Merlin! You’re going to make me come so hard!” Arthur cried.

Merlin leaned his head by Arthur’s ear and found a new angle that had Arthur arching his body off the bed. 

Whispering Arthur’s name over and over, Merlin thrusted in three more times and he and Arthur came at the same time. 

Merlin couldn’t stop shuddering and Arthur had him in a tight embrace as the last waves of his orgasm crested and he sagged back down against the bed.

Pulling out slowly, Merlin kissed Arthur’s sweaty shoulder and lay next to him. They were both still trying to catch their breath.

“That...was…the most...epic...fuck...of my life,” Arthur lolled his head to the side and grinned.

Merlin proudly chuckled. He turned and curled up at Arthur’s side. He was too tired to worry about any clean up. Two seconds after his head was pillowed against Arthur’s shoulder, he fell asleep.

~*~

When Merlin woke up, he instantly felt a smile spreading on his face as he felt Arthur against his side. He blinked open his eyes and his smile grew as he saw Arthur looking down at him.

Merlin rubbed at his eyes. “This isn’t creepy at all.”

Arthur bit at his shoulder. “You know you love it.”

Merlin ran a hand through Arthur’s hair, which somehow looked perfect in the early morning. “I do.”

Suddenly, Arthur sighed and lay back down. Merlin leaned over him.

“I was just thinking how unfair some things are. I never want to commit usually and I finally find someone that I want to take that step with and he’s basically unavailable.”

Merlin felt guilty as he put his head down on Arthur’s chest. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur stroked his hair. “It’s not your fault. I promise you I’m not trying to pressure you, I just...sometimes I feel a little maudlin in the morning.” He gave Merlin a weak smile.

“How can I make it up to you?” Merlin stroked his fingers through Arthur’s chest hair.

“Well, first of all some awesome morning sex is in order and you could find a way for us to spend more time together.”

“Morning sex I can definitely do.” Merlin smiled. “And…” He bit his lip as an idea came to him, but he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not. He decided that it couldn’t really hurt. “We have a Christmas party here every year. It’s on Tuesday night, if you want to come?”

Arthur beamed. “Of course I do.” He leaned in and kissed Merlin. He hugged Merlin close.

The smile on Arthur’s face was enough to momentarily distract Merlin from any thoughts of what could go wrong putting his secret lover and his father in a room together.

~*~

After Arthur left, Merlin felt so happy and content and felt creatively pumped. He sat down to work at Arthur’s article and had finished a first draft in an hour.

He paused to get some coffee and as he was on his way back up to his room, his father arrived back at home.

Merlin held the door open and took Balinor’s one lone duffle bag. When his father got his own cup of coffee and sat down, Merlin joined him.

“How was the trip? How are Aunt Alice and Mordred?”

Balinor slowly slid his cap off his head. “They told me some unsettling news.”

Merlin sat up and was instantly concerned. “What is it?”

“It’s Mordred. He’s…” Balinor shook his head. “He’s gay.”

Merlin’s eyes widened and he tried to speak but nothing was coming out. “Mordred...he’s gay?”

Balinor sat back against the couch. “I was just as stunned and confused as you. I just couldn’t believe it.”

Merlin felt a swell of pity for Mordred. He was sure that it couldn’t have been easy to tell Balinor, who was like a second father to him. Merlin was concerned that Balinor had crushed Mordred with his reaction.

“Dad, please tell me you didn’t lecture him or cut him off?”

“I didn’t say anything at first. They made the announcement and I left. I went to church and I sat and thought about it.” Balinor leaned forward and blew out a breath. “Merlin, it’s just...it’s not natural. It doesn’t feel right.”

Merlin’s heart sank.

“But…”

Merlin’s head snapped up.

“I’ve watched Mordred grow up and he’s a fine young lad. As much as I don’t understand his choice-”

“It’s not a choice, dad.” Merlin interrupted.

Balinor raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Be that as it may, it’s not something I agree with, but I love the boy. It’s that simple.”

Merlin blinked. He felt like he was in _The Twilight Zone_. This was not something his father could accept, he just knew it. But clearly something had changed. If he could find it in his heart to accept Mordred, maybe he could accept Merlin, too.

Balinor just looked at Merlin and shrugged. “I’m surprised, too.”

“Dad...I...I have to tell you something.”

Balinor peered at Merlin curiously. 

Merlin gulped. “I...I...I…” Merlin blew out a sharp gust of breath. “I invited someone to the holiday party.”

Balinor nodded slowly. “That’s fine. What’s one more change?”

Merlin shook his head. It was like he didn’t even recognize his father.

“I’m tired.” Balinor patted Merlin’s knee. “I’m going to unpack and have a quick rest.”

Merlin just grunted. So, he blew that opportunity. But there would be others. He would tell his father. He would.

~*~

The night of the party arrived. Merlin still had not found a way to tell Balinor the truth. It had been this huge secret between them for so long; Merlin didn’t know how to go about being honest or know how things would go. Just because Balinor was trying to find a way to accept Mordred, didn’t mean that he would feel the same when it came to Merlin’s news.

Merlin couldn’t even be happy when Arthur arrived. It was ridiculous, but he felt like he was keeping something from Arthur, but he didn’t want to tell Arthur about Mordred and his father’s reaction. He didn’t want Arthur to push him to tell the truth. 

It wasn’t really necessary, but he spent most of the party trying to keep Balinor and Arthur apart. It’s not like Balinor would just blurt out family business to Arthur. He was more private than that. 

Everyone Arthur talked to wanted to discuss his coming out. While Merlin could see that it still made Arthur uncomfortable, he was dealing with it better than usual. 

When Merlin saw they were running low on egg nog, he told his father. His father told him to take care of it, since he was in the middle of discussing cooking tips with their next door neighbor Helen.

Merlin hurried to fill the nog bowl and came out with it. He stopped in his tracks and when someone bumped into him, he almost dumped it all over the ground. 

He raced over to the glass table and put the nog bowl down. Some of it splashed against his fingers, but he didn’t care. He wiped his hands on his pants and met his father and Arthur.

He cleared his throat as he approached. Arthur smiled and didn’t appear tense at all. Merlin stood in the middle of them. “You two have met,” he said lamely.

Arthur nodded. “Your father was just telling me about some of his more rambunctious students. I had to admit that I’ve behaved even worse than some of his worse tales.”

“Thankfully, you’ve grown out of that behavior. I assume,” Balinor replied.

Arthur nodded. “I have mended my wicked ways. At least somewhat,” he laughed.

“Some would say the lifestyle you’ve chosen to lead is wicked.”

Merlin gasped. 

Arthur remained stoic, but Merlin could see his back stiffen.

Balinor held up his hands. “It’s the truth. I was someone who felt the same way.”

“Felt?” Arthur crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I don’t want to offend you, but it’s still something that makes me uncomfortable. But my beloved nephew recently came out and I had to rethink some things.”

Arthur slowly turned to look at Merlin.

Merlin’s gaze fell in the direction of the floor. 

“I would hate to think of people mistreating my nephew because of this, which is really no one else’s business. I know Mordred’s a good boy and that’s all that matters.”

Arthur bit his lip. Merlin could see the hopeful look in his eye. “So if someone else you loved told you-”

Merlin cut him off and grabbed his arm. “Father, I think I need to show Arthur the article I wrote.”

“Can’t that wait?” Balinor stared at him and Merlin could tell he could sense the tension.

“No. I’m just really nervous and I need to show him before I lose my nerve. I’m sorry, excuse me.” Merlin dragged Arthur upstairs.

When they got his room, he looked out into the hall to make sure no one else was out there, and then shut the door.

Arthur ran both hands through his hair. He was smiling. “Merlin, you heard your father, right? His mind is more open now. You can tell him the truth.”

“Keep your voice down,” Merlin yelled.

Arthur’s head snapped back and he looked at Merlin in confusion. “Why?”

“Because I’m not ready for anyone to hear, especially my father.”

“Why?” Arthur repeated. 

Merlin swallowed thickly. “Arthur, you know I’m just not ready to share this with the whole world.”

“I’m not asking you to tell the whole world.” Arthur’s voice sounded strained. “I’m just asking you to tell your father.”

“Telling my father is telling the whole world to me. My father is my whole world, Arthur!” Merlin shouted. He put a hand to his stomach and took a deep breath to try and calm down.

“Do you…” Arthur trailed off. “Do you ever think you will tell him?”

Merlin rubbed at his forehead. He felt anxious and hated being on the spot this way. He hated, even more, the hurt look on Arthur’s face. “I don’t know…It’s just not the right time. It’s the holidays and...” Merlin cut off. The excuse sounded pathetic to his own ears.

Arthur just stared at him intently.

Merlin opened his mouth, but snapped it shut.

Arthur looked at the ceiling and blew out a breath. “Is there ever going to be a right time, Merlin?” He slowly faced Merlin again. “Is this even about your father? Are you really scared of telling him the news and killing him? Or are you just scared, period?”

“That’s not fair.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” He put his hands on his hip and paced. “You’re ashamed of being gay.”

“No!” Merlin practically screamed. He let out a shaky breath. “It’s like you said, Arthur. You reveal this part of yourself and that’s all anyone can see. I don’t want to be defined by this. I don’t want this to be the only thing my father sees when he looks at me.”

“You won’t know what how he’ll see you if you don’t tell him.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Merlin pointed at him. “You don’t have a father you’re close with that you have to worry about what he thinks of you. Everyone you’ve told has embraced you. You’re a hero. This isn’t easy for me, Arthur.”

Arthur’s lip curled up and Merlin had never seen him so angry. He stalked toward Merlin. “Fuck you, Merlin. Of all people, you know this hasn’t been easy for me. You think it’s easy having a father who would rather use your sexuality to gain popularity points. You think it’s easy to walk around and have everyone look at you like you’re some exhibit at a museum. People think they can walk up to me and ask me the most private questions. Every day people call me a hero and I have to worry about someday letting them down because I know I will.” His voice trembled. “None of this is easy.”

Merlin started to shake and he felt horribly ashamed. “I’m sorry, Arthur.”

Arthur put his face in his hands. When he spoke again, his voice was gentler. “Merlin, you are more than this. You are a wonderful photographer. You’re a wonderful writer. You’re beautiful. You’re kind. You’re smart. You’re funny. You have a way with your way with your mouth that when you’re not trying to speak is incredible.”

Despite the serious moment, Merlin laughed through his tears.

“You’re a wonderful lover and someday you’ll be an excellent boyfriend.”

“Is there a ‘but’ somewhere?” Merlin asked nervously.

Arthur shrugged one shoulder.“I don’t know. Merlin, I don’t want to push you, I really don’t. And I know that I said I was okay with us being secret, but I’m scared of how much I’m falling for you. I want to wait for you, but I know that I can’t do it forever. If you need more time, that’s fine. But I need you to be honest with yourself at least and really figure out if there’s anything to wait for.”

Merlin panted softly and wanted to give Arthur the answer he needed, but he couldn’t.

Arthur walked toward him and pressed a kiss to the top of Merlin’s hair before he left.

After a moment, Merlin collapsed against the floor.

~*~

Merlin barely slept that night. He felt guilty for leaving his father with party clean up, but after Arthur left he couldn’t make it downstairs again.

When he showed up for breakfast his father didn’t complain. They shared a silent meal as Balinor read the paper.

Balinor put the paper aside and cleared his throat. “Arthur is a better man than I gave him credit for.”

Merlin looked up at his father and narrowed his eyes. “Why do you say that?”

“We talked last night and he was funny and articulate. He didn’t seem to be half the plonker his father is.”

Merlin smiled. “He’s not. He’s a wonderful person. He’s…” Merlin looked to the side and could feel a wave of emotion come over him and he had to gulp in some air. “He’s my friend and…” Merlin looked directly into his father’s eyes. “I’m falling in love with him.”

Balinor’s fork clattered loudly against his plate. “What?”

“Father, I’m gay.”

Balinor’s eyes rounded like saucers. He shook his head and blinked at Merlin. Suddenly, he stood up and walked away.

Merlin covered his face. Slowly, his hands slid down and he looked at the table. He felt numb.

~*~

After the first knock, Merlin thought about bolting, but stayed rooted to the spot. Finally, after another few seconds, Arthur answered the door. He seemed surprised to see Merlin standing there.

Merlin quickly handed over a printed out copy of his final draft of the article.

Arthur’s eyes were fixed on Merlin as he took it. His mouth quirked up gently at the corner. “And I didn’t get you anything for Christmas.”

Merlin chuckled softly. “I told you I’d let you see it before I gave it to Gaius.”

“Thank you. Do you want to come in?”

Merlin gulped. “No. You should read it first and tell me what you think.”

“I will.”

Merlin stood there and just stared. “I told my father I’m gay,” he suddenly blurted out. 

Arthur wore the same expression his father did earlier. It took him a minute to recover. “What did he say?”

“Nothing.”

Arthur frowned. “Give him time.”

“I know. I think he just needs to process this.”

“I hope I didn’t pressure you at all.” Arthur rubbed the back of his neck.

“No. You said what I needed to hear and I did what I had to finally be comfortable. I did it for me,” Merlin said confidently.

Arthur smiled. “I’m glad.”

Merlin backed away. “Call me after you finish. We have a lot to talk about.”

Arthur nodded.

With an awkward wave, Merlin turned to walk away but a sudden thought came to him and he needed to share it with Arthur. He whirled around. “Arthur?”

The door was almost closed, but thankfully Arthur heard him and stepped out. “Yes?”

Merlin wrung his hands together. “Despite the uncertainty of what my father might say to me, I have to admit, that you were right.” A small smile spread on his face. “I do feel better.”

Arthur looked thoughtful for a moment, but then he leaned against the door jamb with a cocky grin. “‘You were right.’ That’s quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard come out of that beautiful mouth of yours. You’re going to have to get used to saying that.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help the happy chuckle that came out of his mouth. “Your humility is awe inspiring, Arthur.”

Arthur laughed and took a small bow. When he came back up, his expression turned sincere and he looked at Merlin with such tenderness. “I really am happy I was right.”

“Me, too.”

~*~

When Merlin got home, Balinor was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs.

Merlin stopped in his tracks. 

Balinor looked angry when he stared at Merlin. “What is the one thing I asked from you Merlin when I got sick?”

Merlin shuffled his feet. “You never wanted me to treat you any differently. You wanted me to be honest.”

“Honesty, Merlin! That was all I asked!” He stood up quickly.

Merlin took a step back. “I wanted to be honest, dad. But I know how you feel about being gay. I didn’t want you to stress about this. I didn’t want you to see me differently.”

Balinor took a hold of Merlin’s shoulders. “Of course I see you differently because you’re a man now and you’re a brave one.

Merlin’s bottom lip trembled as he looked up at his father. He had imagined this moment so many times and he had never imagined that his father would be looking at him with nothing but love and, most surprisingly of all, pride.

Balinor frowned. “If I’m being honest, the life you’re going to have is not the one I imagined for you. But, God, has granted me the opportunity to be with you for hopefully many more years to come and I’m not going to waste those years bemoaning something I can’t change.”

Merlin clutched his dad’s arms and he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Balinor stroked his hand down Merlin’s hair. “You’re always going to be my son and I’m always going to love you.”

Merlin let a sob and collapsed against his father’s chest. Balinor held on to him tightly. Years of fear and confusion and anger melted away as he felt his father’s love and acceptance.

When they broke apart, his father wiped away his tears. “Your mother is looking down on you and she’s proud of you, son.” His face lit up and he chuckled softly. “I know she would find a way to come back here and kick my arse if I even dreamed of turning my back on you.”

Merlin snorted and nodded as he hugged his father again. Knowing his mother, he had no doubt of his father’s words. He felt the familiar pit of sadness in his stomach as he longed for his mother to be there, but he truly felt her presence. His heart was so full of love right now and he wanted to bottle this moment forever.

~*~

Things didn’t go back to normal with his father. Merlin could tell that Balinor felt awkward and apparently felt the need to spread the awkward around when he asked Merlin about his safe sex practices. But no matter how awkward, Merlin was just grateful that his father was still healthy and could still look at him as his son, and not as his gay son.

He had a wonderful Christmas with his father, but he had missed Arthur terribly. It had been a couple of days since they had spoken. While it was torture to not pick up the phone and call him, he tried to be patient and wait for Arthur.

He went everywhere with his phone and every time anyone other than Arthur called, he resisted the urge to throw his phone away in disgust.

When he finally did hear Arthur’s voice again, it felt like the world had gone dark and now the sun was finally coming out again. Arthur invited him to come over to his flat. He promised him Morgana wouldn’t be there. She was out of town visiting her mother.

He arrived and kept rubbing his hands together over and over again as he waited fitfully. When Arthur opened the door, he greeted him with a warm smile. He was wearing white pullover and jeans and somehow made even that look runway ready.

They sat down at the bar outside the kitchen. Arthur slid the article over. “You’re going to have to let someone look that over. Your grammar is terrible.”

Merlin snickered. “You’re an arse. My grammar is impeccable.”

Arthur chuckled. “It is. I really love that first sentence. ‘Arthur Pendragon is not what you might expect to meet at first glance, unless you’re expecting to find a smug arse.’” 

Merlin bit his lip and winced. “Sorry. It’s just the first impression.”

“I happen to think I was delightful. You were the one acting like a giant pervert.”

“I was not.” God, it was so wonderful to see that smile on Arthur's face.

Arthur sobered a bit and looked down at the pages. “I love it. I have no problems with it. The ending…” He sighed.

“I know it was cheesy, but it’s true.” Merlin stared down at the bar sheepishly.

“It was wonderful. ‘He’s more than just the sum of his parts. He’s funny. He’s kind. He’s brave. And when you add it all together, he’s someone you could be proud to call hero.’” Arthur’s lip trembled. “You really believe that?”

Merlin nodded without hesitation. “I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t. You’re my hero, Arthur, but you’re also someone that I want to shag rotten.”

Arthur threw his head back and laughed long and loud.

“But more than that I really want to date you.” He swiveled in his chair. “I was at the Camelot planetarium website and they’re having an exhibit of all the new pictures of Pluto and I thought maybe we could have our first date there.”

Arthur reached forward and threaded his fingers through Merlin’s. “I would love that.” He kissed Merlin gently. Pulling back, he cupped Merlin’s face in his hands and ran his thumb over Merlin’s chin. “I didn't think I would like being someone’s hero, but I quite like being yours.”

Merlin sighed in contentment and planted another kiss on Arthur’s lips before he stood up. “You know now that we’re properly dating, we’ll have to adhere to my dating rules.”

“Such as?” Arthur quirked up his eyebrow and followed Merlin.

“No sex until the third date.”

Arthur groaned.

Merlin turned and put his arms around his neck. “Do you think you can wait that long?”

“I could wait for you forever.” Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin passionately. He pulled back slowly and opened his eyes. 

With quick moves that almost gave Merlin whiplash, he suddenly hoisted Merlin over his shoulder. “On second thought, I don’t think so.”

He ran toward his bedroom as Merlin laughed all the way there.


End file.
